They're More a Marketing Strategy than a Couple. (2nd part)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Celebrity Gossip Is Fake - You're All SAPS

If you listen to my radio program on 102.3 The Max (weekday mornings, 5:30 to 9:15 am), I've sure you've heard me dozens of times claiming that certain "celebrity news" items are completely bogus / staged / fake. People don't want to believe me, so I'm here to explain to you all why you're complete suckers.

Entertainment "news" has got to be a multi-billion dollar industry. People Magazine, E!, Entertainment Tonight, Entertainment Weekly, TMZ, US Weekly, National Enquirer, Perez Hilton, etc. etc. etc. all make their living reporting on the goings-on of celebrities. Who they're dating, where they were seen, whether they're fat or skinny, whether they dress well or poorly, blah blah blah. And we are such a vapid society that we eat up this stuff and ask for more.

The celebrities are fully aware of this industry, right? They know the paparazzi is out there taking pictures. They know that stories are going to be written and published in newspapers, magazines, and on the web. They know that there are dozens of hours of television every day that needs to be filled with celebrity gossip.

So do you think they aren't involved in how these stories unfold? Do you think they are unwilling participants in it all? Do you really think it's all real, and not just an attempt by these celebrities (and their agents/managers) to capitalize on the free publicity to make sure their next project (movie, tv show, albums, etc) is a success?

Let me give you an example.

This morning, the top story under the category of "juicy celebrity gossip" involved the stars of the Twilight movie and it's upcoming sequel, New Moon. Apparently, the two lead stars, Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson, are an "item" in real life, and were recently seen together at a Kings of Leon concert getting fairly cozy (as described in this story among others).

So it's every teenage fangirl's fantasy for "Edward" and "Bella" (their characters in the Twilight films) to be in love for REAL, and suddenly it's playing out in the press as the new movie is being prepped for theaters. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Seem a little fishy to you? No? You think it's real? These two actors are really in love, and they had no clue that going to a rock concert and getting frisky would draw attention to them? Because clearly two celebrities who are trying to "hide" their relationship would go sit in a fricking stadium full of people and start with the PDAs while the photogs snap away.

Let me tell you how this really played out, in my opinion (no I can't back this up, but hear me out). Their managers sit them down and say, "Hey kids - we can get a TON of free press for you AND for this new movie if we pretend that you two are a REAL COUPLE! The kids will eat it up! But we don't want to come out and say it - we want to tease it, keep it in the news cycles for a few weeks. Maybe we'll send you out in public a few times and let them take pictures of you holding hands. Heck we'll send our own photographers to make sure they get the pics from a good angle, too - then we'll leak them to TMZ. And then we'll have you two come out as a couple right as the movie's opening! The box office will be huge! And then maybe we'll have you break up just before it comes out on video to get you back in the news for a few days! It's brilliant!"

This isn't just about Stewart and Pattinson. It's about ALL OF THEM. I am firmly convinced that celebrity relationships are arranged by their agents to maximize publicity for the stars.

Here are some of my theories, none of which I can prove:
- Jon and Kate didn't really become famous until they had marriage problems. I believe these problems are staged. They split up right as the season was starting, and I bet they'll be trying to work things out by the time the next season is ramping up.
- Every dating relationship that Jennifer Anniston has ever had has been arranged, including her marriage to Brad Pitt
- Everything that's ever happened on a "Real Housewives" show is scripted, including the "real life" fights between the stars
- Heidi and Spencer aren't really a couple, and are probably the most untalented "famous" people currently making headlines, meaning they have fantastic agents/managers/publicists.
- The plan on American Idol has been to get rid of Paula for over a year. That's why they brought Kara on board last season. This most recent round of stories about Paula "quitting" after "negotiations" broke down are complete horse-crap. She was canned, and this was all a way for her to save face so she wouldn't badmouth the show or reveal any Idol secrets/dirt during one of her drunken rants.

Are you with me? Do you see how this works? I challenge you to start paying attention to the celebrity gossip. Most of the celebrities in the "news" have projects come out. These stories are not accidents! They are carefully arranged. Most celebrity "marriages" (which I think are staged about 95% of the time) happen when their movies are coming soon, and most divorces happen about the time their next movie is coming out.

I think it's also likely that the gossip shows and magazines are involved in the process, and they probably receive money to cover certain things as well as pay big bucks for exclusive stories.

Don't be a sheeple. Don't believe the gossip. You're being taken for a ride so that these people can promote their movies, tv shows, and concert tours. QUIT SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON THIS CRAP.

If you're really mad at your money, you can send it to me.

by Aaron Miller